Book decodes all the jargon of business

Green weenies.

The phrase - in green, of course - was splashed across the front cover of a book placed in my mailbox.

I flipped through the book, Green Weenies and Due Diligence, filled with insider business jargon, trying to find out exactly what a green weenie was.  

As I turned the pages, certain phrases leapt off of the page at me, and I had to stop and read their definitions: bake your noodle, banana problem, booth bunny, company cholesterol, testosterone poisoning and square headed girlfriend.

But, at last, on page 166, I found the definition I had been searching for.

"Imagine what a weenie must look like when it is left in a refrigerator (which is unplugged) and forgotten for six months. A green weenie in business wheeling and dealing lingo is an unpleasant surprise discovered belatedly as part of a transaction or deal."

And it was the green weenie that prompted Ron Sturgeon to write this book. When he heard that term, he realized a secret language was being spoken in the business world.

Sturgeon, who lives in Texas, built one of the largest auto-salvage operations in the United States, which he sold to Ford Motor Co. in 1999. Along the way, he's also had numerous dealings with financiers, venture capital firms, real-estate professionals, lawyers and other dealmakers.

And Green Weenies and Due Diligence is a collection of more than 1,200 unusual terms compiled from Sturgeon's business meetings and discussions.

The definitions - along with their accompanying illustrations by Gahan Wilson - range from the serious to the outrageously humorous, with a couple of raw ones thrown in. (A G-rated, abridged version of the book also is available.)

Among my favorites are:

 

  • Banana problem: "A project so simple that a big, dumb gorilla could handle it."

     

  • Company cholesterol: "The buildup of information, staff or other bottlenecks that impede a company's ability to perform."

     

  • Drinking from a fire hose: "A situation where there is more work to do than any human can accomplish."

     

  • Testosterone poisoning: "An initiative ruined by a lack of females on the team."

     

  • Square headed girlfriend: "Metaphor for a computer; applies to that employee who works constantly and doesn't have time for a real girlfriend."

    But Sturgeon doesn't give just definitions. He also provides examples of how to use the terms.

    So, never fear if you're perplexed on how to properly use "run it up the flagpole," which means to test and see whether an idea or product will be met with approval. Sturgeon gives this use example: "Warren's idea looks good on paper, but we had better run it up the flagpole."

    The book is the ultimate translation guide for those in the business world.

    To find out more about green weenies and other fun business jargon, visit www.greenweenies.com.

    Contact Erin Kosnac at (810) 989-6276 or ekosnac@gannett.com.

    Originally published December 11, 2005

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