With any luck, you're feeling relaxed, knowing the shopping and stress is over for another year.
If so, I invite you to settle in and let me give you one final gift — a chuckle, or at least a smile.
I receive dozens of business-related books every year from people who would like me to review their work. Most of them look like the same old thing and do not catch my attention.
Then there's "Green Weenies and Due Diligence" by Ron Sturgeon (Mike French & Co., $28.95), a compilation of more than 1,200 business terms — some funny, some serious — that the author has picked up during his years as an entrepreneur.
The book is a little raw — I would rate it PG-13 — but it is funny and insightful. Sturgeon is a self-educated businessman who built from scratch a huge auto salvage operation that he later sold to Ford Motor Co. He says in his introduction that the idea for the book came to him six years ago when he first heard the term "green weenie." As he sat in on meetings with dealmakers, he says, he realized that they use words and sayings that other people do not understand. So he set about collecting them.
"Green Weenies and Due Diligence" is separated into two sections, one for mostly humorous sayings and one for more serious words that business people are likely to encounter. For a Christmas treat, here are a few of the funny sayings:
• Banana problem — "A project so simple that a big, dumb gorilla could handle it. Commonly used in the industry in increments of 'one banana' for very easy and 'two banana' for easy."
• Binaca blast — "Derived from the popular breath freshener of the 1970s. In business, it describes a 'bomb' event or announcement or other occurrence that comes as a 'breath of fresh air.' "
• Company cholesterol — "The buildup of information, staff or other bottlenecks that impede a company's ability to perform."
• Elvis year — "This is the year that a product, service or employee thrives. As years go, it's the king!"
• Moose head on the table — "The big, obvious thing that no one is talking about. Some issue, problem or challenge we all know exists right in front of us, but we try to ignore."
• Mouse milking — "A project or venture that requires maximum effort for minimum returns. It's nearly impossible to milk mice, and you won't get much out of it."
• Wallet biopsy — "Likely coined by hospitals, but used in any business where a potential customer is sized up for their financial capability before trying to sell to them."
• Blamestorming — "A discussion wherein the goal is to avoid responsibility for a failed initiative, and pin it on someone else if possible."
• Cockroach theory — "A business theory stating that bad news tends to be released in bunches."
• Bo Derek — "A slang term used to describe a perfect stock or investment. Named for the actress known as the 'Perfect 10.' "
• Meatloaf — "Unsolicited personal e-mail from friends and relatives, not spam. Both, of course, are types of meat, but the meatloaf tastes better than the spam."
• Cubicle lizard — "Someone who appears to almost live in their cubicle. They are always at work, their cubicle is littered with their personal belongings, and may even include a microwave and fridge."
• Sleep camel — "An employee, often a techie, who works for days at a time, then sleeps for days at a time."
• Green weenie — "Imagine what a weenie must look like when it is left in a refrigerator (which is unplugged) and forgotten for six months. A green weenie in business wheeling and dealing lingo is an unpleasant surprise discovered belatedly as part of a transaction or deal."
These are just a few of the bizarre sayings Sturgeon
uncovered, and his more serious terms are also well-defined. But
if you want to read the rest, you'll have to use that gift card
you received from Aunt Vi and buy the book.
Either way, now you can't say I never gave you anything.
Merry Christmas!
If you have a financial question, please send it by e-mail
to gkratz@desnews.com or
by regular mail to the Deseret Morning News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt
Lake City, UT 84110.
E-mail:
gkratz@desnews.com